a long day

clinic days are so long
i can't seem to get the concept of it sometimes
i think the jist of it is find out why the patient is there
and discharge them as soon as possible
that's the Parkland culture anyway
today was a shorter day than normal
but it seemed so long
i feel like i'm putting a complex puzzle together
i don't know that i'll have even a quarter completed by the end of this rotation
but perhaps just having the edges done might be something to be proud of
the pts seem to like me though
at least i know that much
everything else, i know i can learn
i think what bugs me so much about surgery is the hierarchy
its amazing to see how a 5th year resident is treated so much differently than the 3rd
which means students are about nothing
one long day = go to sleep early and start anew tomorrow

so another beautiful weekend

so the mavs lost yesterday, but it's still preseason --though barely
so i had to get up early on a saturday morning to round, but it wasn't bad
the thyroidectomy pt was doing relatively well and the drains were taken out so she can go home
i thought i'd be there just for rounds, but ended up staying longer to take care of other lingering things
i followed the 3rd year resident mostly who is very nice; he looks sort of like Tom Hanks, easy going and funny
i'm still getting used to the heirarchy that is so evident yet i think niceness and helpfulness can break through it
i didn't get to exercise as i wanted to, but i feel like i got some just by walking around the hospital all morning
now my weekend starts and i look forward to reading and seeing my friend from CA
the weather out is again beautiful so i may go for a walk
i started a new book...The Power of One
the author meshes in some life lessons in this fictional book and tells a story of a remarkable boy growing up in South Africa
the child is now an adult telling this story in first person and his viewpoint on life as a little boy is poignantly and innocently told
the pure sense of humor that he has in portraying his harsh childhood makes for a colorful collage that makes the reader laugh and cry at the same time; he draws the reader to experience the harshness not with pity from the outside, but hope from the inside
he writes "Sometimes the slightest things change the directions of our lives, the merest breath of a circumstance, a random moment that connects like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed directions on the strength of a chance remark."
i think this is so true. when i look back, it's not the big events that has had the most impact on life. those just mark a time. the most profound impact came from moments so unexpected and so surprising that the heart had no choice but to be impacted. no ready defense to oppose, no ready time to hide. just a simple comment that cut straight to the heart or a simple gesture that will forever be etched into the memory bank

"Recovering" from surgery

The first week of surgery rotation was about as expected. I had to be at the hospital early almost every day and stayed til they said I can go home. I got a taste of rounding, preoping, scrubbing in, and seeing pts at clinic for possible surgery, and post op/followup care. I saw one surgery that lasted longer than I expected. 8 hours to take out one of the smallest organs, the thyroid! A very delicate procedure. I was grateful though because they let me break for lunch while the residents and surgeon kept plugging along. My legs ached, my arms were numb, but who am I to complain…I got to eat lunch at least. The scrub nurse was nicer than I was told they would be. I guess they saw the totally clueless look on my face and the fear of making any mistake in the OR and had pity on me. Surgery is definitely team work. And a successful surgery is very dependent on trust, teamwork, good instruments and skill. One thing lacking can make even the easiest procedure go south.

I saw a case of lipoma, sebaceous cyst, hidrodenitus, and lumbar hernia. I realized that these were the pts who were referred to the surgery clinic. They were mostly there to get some sort of procedure done, or be evaluated for one, and get on the schedule; not one to just go home after a visit to the clinic. I wish I knew Spanish better. There were many Hispanic pts. Clinic on Tuesday morning was chaotic and it wasn’t until afterwards when I realized who I was supposed to present to and how. I’m just figuring out what thousands of forms need to be completed. There is a strong culture of hierarchy and seniority in the world of surgery, but ignorance has its privileges I think. The residents realized that I didn’t know the hierarchy and wasn’t so offended when I treated every one regardless of their position or status with equal respect rather than trying to suck up to one over the other or ignoring another. I’m not there to impress anyone, but learn all that I can.

All in all, the week was very interesting. The world of medicine definitely is intriguing. Some of these pts have suffered long, some short, but all are hurting pretty bad. It’s amazing how long some of them hold out before finally presenting to the clinic. I wonder how they can live in some of the conditions even for more than an hour. As I talk to them, they seem normal. Then during the physical, I see the reason for their visit to the clinic that was covered by the clothes and I can’t help but be a bit aghast. We can really hide a lot as humans, not only with our clothes, but with our masks. How do people live in such discomfort; how do people live so long enduring or sometimes hiding the pain.

I also realized you should really love medicine to be in medicine. It does require lots of sacrifice: time, scut work, difficult cases, dedication, and more time. One little mistake can cost a great deal amount of guilt, more time, payment in more ways then one. Right now, I’m glad I’m at student status and not an intern, resident or even a surgeon. I like the fact that I don’t have to sign off on anything and that I’m not responsible for anything. Credit and recognition are things I don’t need, but understanding and learning are things I do want. One should also really love people to be in medicine. The sacrifices, the long hours, the hard work, the demands then may become worth it.

a beautiful weekend

the bright sun tried to warm the crisp autumn air
and i got to wear my sweatshirt the whole weekend
no heels, no dressing up, and definitely no white coat
i slept in and missed my aerobics class
i stayed up and finished a book about africa
i went for a walk with my mom and with a friend
and went grocery shopping and bought lots of food yum!
it was a relaxing weekend to rest and think
no hurrying, no being late to meetings
just taking it easy and enjoying being in my sweats
and having my unbrushed hair down blowing where it may
it was a beautiful weekend before a week of who knows what
as i start my surgery rotation at parkland hospital

here's to another beginning of my blog...

the thoughts and pictures on this blog are a glimpse of my life and heart;
what i treasure, what i hope for, what i don't want to forget
what i don't understand, what makes me sad, what hurts
some of it may be jibberish, some of it may be jolly;
some of it may bring you laughter, some of it may bring you tears;
some of it may cause you to say, "she must be having a bad day";
some of it may cause you to say, "she must be having a good day";
whatever the case may be, they are what they are
and i'm thankful that you would share in them :)